Last week, I found myself, at the age of 46, on a casual weekday, barhopping, drinking cocktails. My partner in crime was none other than the bartender and aspiring mixologist, my son Thoma. Right between the end of his exams and just before his upcoming travels, I asked him to spend some time with me. Just the two of us. Luckily, he agreed. After discussing our options, we decided to visit Rotterdam, the city he plans to move to at the end of the summer.
The day started off on the wrong foot - we arrived late at the train station and had to wait 40 minutes, only to discover that our train was canceled and that the next one would take double the time. It continued with a packed train with no seats, so we found ourselves squeezing onto the stairs’ floor.
But you know what’s incredible? I couldn’t care less. I wasn’t irritated at all because all I cared about was that we were together. I had a very clear intention - to have a good time with him and create memorable moments,
and nothing was going to stand in my way.
The vibe changed once we arrived there. Walking, talking, laughing - bonding. We were carefree, playful, and without any specific goals other than hitting the best bars in town that might become his future workplace. I was experiencing "true fun" (aka playfulness + connection + flow, read my post about it) which was soooo liberating and recharging.
I was totally present. Savoring every moment of this precious time with him.
And that didn’t happen by chance, I was very intentional about it. You want to know why?
Because I recently heard the most horrifying and sad fact I ever heard about parenting,
and if you're standing, I advise you to sit down for this:
According to the American Time Use Survey (ATUS),
when your child reaches the age of 18 and leaves home -
you will have already spent 90% of your total time together.
Let me repeat it -
90% OF ALL THE TIME YOU GET TO SPEND WITH YOUR KIDS WILL BE BEFORE THEY'RE 18 YEARS OLD, leaving only 10% spread out across the next several decades.
Also, by the time your kids are 12 years old, you will have spent 75% of your time with them.
Shocking, right?
Mel Robbins shared this data on her podcast and used a powerful visualization of our time with our kids, making it even sadder - A MELTING ICE CUBE. Imagine an ice cube that has already melted 90%. What are you left with? An ice chip.
That’s the remaining time I have with my son? An ice chip? No way! I became determined TO BE CONSCIOUS of our time together and break this statistic!
In fact, I decided to be conscious of the time I spend with all my loved ones, including my parents. With them I don’t even want to do the math of the percentage of time left for us together.
While we can’t stop the ice cube from melting, we can change the statistics by being INTENTIONAL and making the most out of our precious time with our loved ones, MAKING EVERY MOMENT COUNT.
Not sure how to do that? Here are some strategies to help you be more intentional:
Decide who you want to PRIORITIZE spending time with in the next few months. Is it your parents? a grandparent? one of your kids? your spouse? a sibling? a good friend?
LET THEM KNOW that your time together is important to you and that you prioritize them. Share this intention with others too, as it reinforces your commitment and accountability.
Don’t expect them to drop their plans and change their schedule for you. If this is important to you, YOU NEED TO FIT in their calendar. Remember, you’re not doing this for them, you’re doing this FOR YOU.
PLAN IT - Just saying you want it to happen is not enough. If you want to be serious and intentional, you need to open your agenda, mark the date and PUT IT IN, as you would any other important meeting.
Try to become more present in their DAY TO DAY and show more interest in their life. Don’t wait to do something big or profound, it could be driving them somewhere, hanging out with them after a doctor’s appointment or attending their sports match.
BE PRESENT- When you’re with them, give them your full attention. Put away distractions such as phones, laptops, and other devices. Focus on the person and the moment and encourage open and honest communication to deepen your connection and understanding of one another.
CREATE TRADITIONS- Establish routines or traditions that you can look forward to and enjoy together regularly. This could be a weekly family game night, a monthly outing, or annual celebrations.
If you can’t meet physically - SPEND TIME TOGETHER ONLINE, make video calls, share video messages and photos to keep the connection alive.
Being intentional about spending quality time with someone involves conscious EFFORT and PLANNING to ensure that the time spent together is meaningful and fulfilling. And remember, it's never too late, even if you feel you've missed out on a lot.
So, who are you choosing to prioritize in the next few months?
P.S. Just so you know, I’m risking my relationship with my son by posting this (and his photo too!). That’s how much I love and care for you!
Comentários