It's hard to believe, but my eldest son, Thoma, is graduating high school in a couple of weeks and will soon be off to university.
When we started discussing his options last year, he was determined to apply to the most prestigious business program in The Netherlands.
While I admired his ambition and striving for excellence, and though I'm aware of his capability, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of doubt.
What if he didn't get accepted?
Would his dream be shattered before it even began?
As his mother, I wanted him to embark on his next chapter of life with a sense of success, confidence, and excitement, not failure.
Then, I recalled something important from Sonja Lyubomirsky's book "The How of Happiness": committed goal pursuit is a happiness booster strategy. She says: "Find a happy person, and you'll find a project."
According to her, committed goal pursuit offers six benefits that explain its critical role in our happiness:
It provides us with a sense of purpose and a feeling of control over our lives.
Having meaningful goals boosts our self-esteem, making us feel confident and valuable. Furthermore, the accomplishment of each subgoal is an emotional boost that motivates us to continue.
It adds structure (deadlines, timetables, etc.) and meaning to our daily routine.
We learn to manage our time effectively by prioritizing tasks.
Pursuing goals often involves engaging with others, thus strengthening social connections.
During times of crisis, committing to (attainable) goals may improve our ability to cope with challenges.
Tal Ben-Shahar adds that it’s not success that is leading to happiness, but the PURSUIT of goals. The journey towards our aspirations brings us the most happiness, not just reaching the finish line.
He claims this is part of our human nature. We're ambitious creatures, built to progress, always wanting to get more.
Don't get me wrong, reaching big goals like getting into a top university, landing a dream job, completing a marathon, or making your first million may bring you some happiness, but it's temporary. It doesn't last.
Lasting happiness comes from the sense of satisfaction and fulfillment created by the process of pursuing goals, overcoming obstacles, and making progress. This fuels ambition, which is the determination to achieve a goal by setting high aspirations and actively pursuing them with dedication and persistence. Ambition drives us to grow and excel, propelling greatness and innovation in the world.
To prevent ambition from becoming a negative trait, it's essential to ensure that the pursuit of goals does not lead to excessive stress, burnout, or neglect of other important aspects of life, such as relationships and self-care.
Considering all this, I realized it's actually a good idea for my son to aim high with a specific university in mind. All the benefits mentioned above will support his studies, so he will profit from it, even if he isn't accepted.
What about you? Are you working on a significant project and chasing your dream? Or is there something holding you back? For most of us, committing to the goal and taking the first step is the biggest struggle. Robin Sharma says, "The best way to start is to start." Or, in someone else's words: "Just do it".
Starting something new can be daunting, especially when experiencing fear of failure. We cling to familiar paths of success, hesitant to venture into uncharted territory.
I can relate to this fear, and if you do, too, I want you to remember these two things: First, our ability to cope with failure is much better than we think. Second, true happiness comes from pursuing meaningful goals, regardless of the outcome. It's the journey itself that matters most.
If I've convinced you and you're ready to start your journey, here's how to begin:
Choose the goal you want to pursue, making sure it aligns with your values and character and fits you. Keep it attainable or break big goals into manageable steps.
Make the first step the easiest one you can think of - register for a free online course, plan your running route, start saving money for this trip, even sharing the goal with a friend counts!
As for my son?
Well, he got accepted to his chosen university, and now he's in the midst of his final exams to secure his spot.
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